No matter how big or small the venture, if you are running things, it’s difficult at times balancing life and what is can throw at you, expected or not.

When I first started pulling the magazine together, I was up at all hours of the night trying to stay ahead of myself.  I was juggling a day job, responsibilities and this project…but oddly enough, I never grew tired of it.  I think this goes back to an earlier mention of doing what you are passionate about.  Doing something you love is both invigorating and empowering—it nourishes your soul.

Utilizing your God given gifts is not supposed to be a drain on your spirit.

Although I was excited and eager to get things off the ground, there were also times where I would get frustrated when things weren’t going right. I understood, after a day like that, I needed to walk away, get some rest, exercise…have some fun and interact with people.  It was knowing when to say when, that prevented me from entering into complete burn out.

I often get tunnel vision when my mind is set on something.  I go and go until I reach the end goal and get into a mode of drivenness:  This is not good and I have learned how to recognize the signs that I have gone too far into the abyss and out of the world (read: too far into my head).  The signs for me are in my personality: I sometimes get grouchy, tired, anti-social.  When these three things occur, I know I need a break.

Some people I know, also in creative fields, have said they get a mental block where the project they are working on is concerned. Luckily, I am not one of those people.  My writer’s might tell me they are late with a piece because they have developed writer’s block…I suggest they put it aside, go for a walk or have some fun and then come back to it after they have had some time to relax.

I rarely (rarely) get writer’s block.  For me writing is less of a process then it is for others.  I don’t think much about what I am setting out to say…I just let it come from within:  Trusting God’s hands are leading mine and turning over control to Him.  Even interviewing others, interpreting what they say and turning into something interesting to others, comes much easier when you let go of it and just let it flow.

I am grateful for this ability and it definitely makes my life and time at the keyboard, more enjoyable and easier!

Another clue some have they are putting too much thought and energy into their work, is losing interest in the tasks at hand.  I know in my case when I am about to reach burn out, I start to dissociate with what I am attempting to do.

For instance,  at one time I was working day and night, night and day on something I wanted to accomplish with the magazine. After I finished, I was DONE! I didn’t want to look at, think or hear about anything having to do with attribute for days afterward.

After this happened a time or two, I decided I needed to space out my time to prevent this from happening again.

It couldn’t happen again…

I am the only person on staff who can do my job.  I am the only person running things on the daily.  If I walk away for a week, that could lead to disaster.  I cannot go on strike.  I cannot expect others to do their part if I’m not, therefore learning how to avoid becoming disinterested, was a large feat for me.  I was bound and determined for this to be a success…and the only way to achieve this was to stay on track, focused and interested.

I started to look for ways to distribute responsibility among others working with me.  Admittedly, once upon a time, was a bit of a control freak.  I knew what I wanted done, how it needed to be done and thought it was just easier for me to go ahead and do things myself.  I wasn’t utilizing the talent around me.  I had to learn to trust that others could and would, follow my lead.  They would take on tasks and accomplish them, the way they knew I wanted them carried out.  After I learned to give up some control, distribute work to others and TRUST them…my life became a lot easier and I got a lot more sleep at night.

After this terrific discovery, I was also able to diversify my own routine: I was able to write more articles, thus freeing me up and keeping me interested in researching new topics for the other writers and looking for future articles to feature.  I still wore the Editor’s hat, but I was also able to contribute my true passion, which is writing.

Keeping yourself on task, accomplishing goals and being successful are all stressful aspects to running any business but avoiding burn-out and becoming disinterested don’t have to become a part of that if you pay attention to the signs that you are getting to that point.

Take care of yourself in order to take care of business!

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Next time: Opening doors and creating opportunities.

Interns:

Just about every publication takes on college interns; it’s a cheap or free way to keep things running while at the same time, training those interested in the industry or some aspect of it.

I have had quite a few of them roaming around and I can tell you that you get good ones and you get some who make your days long and frustrating.

It seems the key to a successful relationship with an intern, is talking to them upfront about their interests, where they would like to gain experience and then honing in on getting them there.  Sometimes it takes a lot of hand-holding and other times, it’s a walk in the park.  But, if you are not a patient person I don’t suggest working directly with the interns on staff as you have to train them, talk them through things, be flexible with their ever changing schedules (exams, term papers, professors) and lives (break-ups, break-downs, social lives) and just go with the flow.  If your company, like mine, is virtual and you have interns scattered about the country, whose faces you never really see…all of this is enough to make you question your own sanity at moments (“what was I thinking”) .

I have one intern in particular who has been with me for almost two years.  I affectionately call her ‘mini-me’.  She is someone I had the privilege of interviewing in person, who lives in my town and who, I knew from the moment she walked in the door, was going to be my “go-to” girl.  And I was so right! She has been steadfast and committed, reliable and giving and she has also become a friend.  She is nearly two decades younger than me, but we are such similar souls, it was inevitable.  We truly respect and enjoy one another as people.   She has been an editor, a writer, a creative assistant, etc.  She has yet to say no to a challenge; taking them on whilst taking a full course load and working two jobs.  She is, my superstar.

I want to somehow ensure this young woman, who desires to be a journalism teacher (which is something close to my heart as I had an incredible high school journalism teacher), has an immense tool-box to take with her when the day comes she actually says good-bye to us.  Although, I hope that never occurs as she is such a great asset.  She has proven that there are actually young people out there today who are hardworking and who do not feel entitled to things.  She is so much like me when I was her age and I have tried to share my wisdom with her in a manner that she finds useful and not intrusive.   This girl is the future and I know she will be successful at whatever she does in life as long as she stays focused on the prize.  When you are 20, that is sometimes difficult to do, but, I trust she will find her way without much guidance needed.  She is beautiful inside and out, intelligent, has work ethic and a great personality.  A winning combination in my eyes.

I wish all of our interns were as stellar as the above example; but alas, several of them were a bit of a pain in the rear.  They would disappear for weeks on end, not replying to emails or calls.  They would skirt responsibility for no apparent reason-or- would not take direction and turn in tandem items that I would personally end up redoing.  Not fun…not fun at all.

Talent:

I have heard all the excuses, or rather “reasons for work not being done,”  in the world…not just from our interns, but from our “adult” talent pool.  The writers can be just as trying.  Most of them are really great at meeting deadlines and turning around edits; though some provoke me to want to pull my hair and teeth out at times. (Don’t worry, I rarely get to that point!)  But, in the long run, it’s worth it as they really are talented and have a clear picture of the world around them!

I compare it to herding cats, and anyone who is creative, or in a creative field, will understand this comparison.  They do what they want and you have to tempt them with treats; bargain with them.  When you don’t get what you need, because they are too busy preening in the sunshine or taking catnaps, you just grab them by the tail and nudge them back a few step as they attempt to escape.  They get the hint.  Eventually.

Writers are sensitive souls unless they are hard-core journalists who only care about getting the story.  I don’t really take on the latter as it’s too cold for our audience and the warm, inviting environment I have worked hard to create.  Therefore I choose to tread lightly on criticism and freely give praise.  Besides, it feels better and is more productive to sing their praises and handout gentle, constructive criticism then to play Cruella DeVille, any day.

In all honesty, they are all great to work with despite any moments I feel like I am babysitting or want to reach through time zones and kick them into gear.  I will openly admit, it’s taught me a lot about myself and how to be the kind of “boss” I would want to have if I were in their position.  I do my best to be patient, flexible, relaxed and never jump to conclusions about them or their work.  I always respect their voices and if they need help getting motivated or are completely hating a piece they have started, I put on my editor’s hat and encourage, nurture and respect their efforts.  I am always honest with them:  If I think something isn’t working and they should scrap it or rework it or I think something has great potential and they should work through it (i.e. let go of it a bit in order to stay focused and finish what they started), I tell them so.

At the end of the day it’s all about working together to achieve a common goal.  Putting out the next great issue of the magazine, and doing so on time.

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Next installment: Avoiding burn out and getting reinvigorated.

Once I leaped that terrifying hurdle, I don’t think I thought twice about approaching someone or sending a writer off to pursue a story.  People are really receptive.  I always suggest they take a look at what we cover. I believe our honest style puts people at ease. We have covered some amazing and heart-warming stories from the beginning.  Our style and honesty is why people read us.  I know, for that is what I have been told by our readers.

We have also had some really opinionated writers.  My favorites attribute writers/contributors may not be everyone else’s but I felt that having them on board was great.  They gave us a distinct voice to start with.  Since some have moved on and I have changed our mission, I feel we have definitely grown into our own.  We are gently honest.

One of the driving forces behind attribute is in fact the positive feedback we get.   I will never forget the first time I received an email, completely out of the blue, from a reader. I am pretty certain I cried happy, joyful tears and gave myself a hug.  The email was from a guy who expressed his excitement over finding the website and how great it was to find an outlet which chose to focus on the positive.  There was more and he was very expressive—I am definitely not doing his words justice here.  I am sure I have the email somewhere, but no time to dig it up.

We also get a great response from those companies, organizations and individuals we write about.  I was so pleased to be able to showcase bits of comments received in our media kit, so others could experience it with us.

One of the things I have learned, not only about myself, but others too, during all of this: It is so very important to love what you do.  I have worked at jobs that I liked because they challenged me, but I wasn’t fulfilled on an emotional or intellectual level. Nor was I happy in my heart. My spirit didn’t soar when I woke up in the morning to go to work; I wasn’t interested in staying up all night to work on a project.  These last two items have happened with attribute more often than not, and I couldn’t be happier to do it.  It truly is fulfilling and I give it [the experience] and God, credit for my personal, exponential growth, over the past two years. I feel it shows via this outlet. Or at least I hope so.

I believe that everyone is born with a gift, or set of gifts, that are pre-designed for us, upon conception. You may not have any clue where this gift comes from genetically but it’s yours and sometimes, you may not even recognize this gift (which is sad but beside the point).  But those who do recognize their gifts, I also believe, are responsible for honing in on it and developing it.  Even if it’s not your profession, it is still a part of your life; something you choose to do as a beloved hobby or a side gig (e.g. lot’s of doctors are also musicians).  I feel that if one doesn’t do this for them self, they are missing something throughout life.  A part of them is left unfulfilled.

This is how I feel about attribute magazine.  I feel it is part of the many gifts I am blessed with by God; that He planted the seed inside me and it is my responsibility to sow it, make it grow and be fruitful.  Even if the fruit isn’t monetary, it is still worth something, to someone, somewhere, other than me…I use it as an opportunity to share that seed with the staff, who does their part to sow the seeds; their seed and mine.

I have found this start-up so rewarding…it truly fills me up. Even in times when I find myself wanting to walk away…I find myself renewed after a little breather; ready to take on the next project and edit the next issue.

Within months we had a new, fresh website that allowed us to expand and put more information on the front page which was great exposure for our writers.  We did a couple stages of updates and then started to plan for the future.  We hit some snags along the way, things we tried didn’t always work out or at least work the way we anticipated but in the end, we achieved what we set out to do.  I was thrilled to say the last…it had been a long time in the making.

We started to ad in some traffic driven advertising such as affiliate programs and Google Adsense to generate revenue.  I was pretty perplexed at how this all worked and even today, very discouraged with the results.  We have had the ads/affiliates up for about a year now and have yet to break $30.00 on Adsense (even with our traffic increasing month to month).  So, a word to the wise, don’t believe all the bogus Internet scams saying you can earn triple digits from these programs.  I also learned not to entirely trust Google’s site analytics because is differs greatly from the numbers on the traffic reports we get from our server.

In the interim, our writers definitely started to grow into their own. After months of molding some of them I felt good taking off the training wheels for a few of them. I was so encouraged at how much they flourished after some grooming and it was so wonderful to watch them do so, not only as writers, but  individually.  It has been an absolute privilege knowing each and every one of these beautiful hearted, talented people.  My own writing grew as the magazine did; I felt like I was finally able to give a lot to my writing and research instead of just throwing articles together (though I always worked hard on my contributions, I just felt freer to write than I did when having to do EVERYTHING behind the scenes).

So, we were all growing together—the magazine, the writers, and myself in many aspects (as a business owner, PR person, an artist, etc) and it was a nice groove to be in.

I had a couple of writers take leave that ended up being permanent.  These were key contributors and I tried very hard not to take it personally or hard.  It was out of my control.  I was also trying to add writers and taking a different approach to our content; but this led to my straying away from our mission a bit and I wasn’t comfortable with this.  I tried to direct a couple of the writers towards content more suited for us, but they just either weren’t open to it or just didn’t “get it.”  If a person isn’t in a positive place, it’s really difficult trying to pull that sort of voice from them…the connect was just not being made between their spirit/mind and the words on the page or the mission we are on. Due to this, I ended up releasing at least one of them and dismantling another’s column.

All in all, we were in a good place:  Making progress and gaining traffic from across the globe.  We were diversifying and there was a lot of teamwork going on behind the scenes.  attribute finally grew up and became a player in the media world, was receiving acknowledgment and good words abounded!  Very exciting progress indeed.

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Next time: landing interviews, getting positive feedback and loving what you do (and why it’s important).

So, we started our journey to broadening our horizons and reaching out to our audience, beyond Generation X.  It wasn’t really that difficult.  The hardest part was re-branding ourselves, which was a necessary item on the “to do” list.  I decided on a new color palette, which fit with our focus and then moved on to tackle our new motto.  Our original motto was:  The Voice of a Lost Generation [X].  I gave the staff the option of throwing things into the ring and they came up with some really interesting options but nothing seemed to really catch my attention.  After some contemplation, some cutting and pasting bits and pieces and deciding what part, if any, of our original was important to keep I cam to the following conclusion:

We were all about our voice being heard, being a voice of truth, of enlightenment and keeping things fun, all at once.  So the “voice” had to stay in tact. Then I remembered something often used in childcare settings to keep the kids from shouting, ‘use your inside voice’.  I then had, my aha moment.  I turned that phrase inside out and came up with our new motto: “using our outside voices.”  This signifies that we will be heard. Plus it’s pretty catchy, if I do say so myself.  Ha ha

At this point, we didn’t design a new logo, just changed the color scheme across the board and updated our media kit to match our new and improved mission statement.

attribute moved into 2009 with a growing readership, strong writers and a new direction.  I was confident in our new mission and happy to be including and welcoming a broadened audience and more options when it came to subject matter.

Personally, I had been laid off yet again and was contending with the closure of my defunct relationship.  I wasn’t really sure how to move on without him but knew I had to; and find strength, healing and myself again. By the time the closure came I was ready, in fact I had asked for it several times and he just wouldn’t give it…I finally did muster up enough strength to say ‘it’s time you decide and stop stringing me along.’  And he did.  We were not to be.

This happened on election night, 2008.  The day many people had been waiting for:  The changing of the guard and what many hoped would be a change of the times and ways of politics as we knew it.  Many people put their trust in one Barack Obama.  I wasn’t one of them.  I didn’t believe he was the answer to all our problems as a country. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy that people were finally getting over the “whitess only” club syndrome and open to electing a non Caucasian, President.  At least we, as a nation, are finally progressing in that regard.

So in came 2009 and I went along setting goals for attribute and upping our game.

One thing I had set out to do was find a web designer who may also want to partner with me on the site so I could focus on editorial content and marketing and not the technical side of things.   And I learned a lesson…be careful what you wish for and with whom you share such wishes.  I attracted someone who thought they were going to come in and take fifty percent of what I had built without doing a stitch of work and when I said no, proceeded to become a sort of pain in my behind.  He wasn’t willing to share any information about himself, his past experience, reference or show me proof of expenses he claimed to be accruing while doing “work” on a new site he was building (which he offered to do for free to prove his worth).  So, out the door he went.

Strike two…back to the drawing board.

Otherwise, things were going well, we were moving steadfastly ahead.  We were excited as a team at the possibilities.  It would be interesting to see what the coming year would bring.

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Ahead:  Finally!! A webmaster for attribute and progress instead of backsliding in getting a new site, new features and using social media to further our cause and drive traffic.

For weeks (okay, actually, it was months—and we are still learning) after the site was done and after the site designer went MIA, I was forced to either spend countless hours teaching myself, through a lot of trial and error, or throw in the towel.  Obviously I chose the harder road.  Gee, aren’t I a glutton for punishment?  No, just ambitious.  I had a goal and I was following through, come hell or high water.

I learned a lot about navigating and uploading, editing, errors and how to ‘fix’ things going awry in the administrative site of the magazine website, which for those who haven’t used a CMS, it’s where you put everything from the back that is seen on the actual site.  Everything from content and pictures to the little icons you see across a site; they all live here on the platform we use for attribute magazine. I am actually amazed at all I was able to figure out.  I sometimes have to explain things to, and do things that, the current web guy cannot figure out.

I was laid off from my job soon after.  The company was hit hard by the ever suffering building industry in Florida and despite my being on the business development side of things, I was the last hired and therefore, the first to go.  I did find a full time job about a month later, so was grateful for that.  Though on an emotional level, I was a hot mess.  I was struggling still with the finality of my relationship and we were holding on to each other, which I had never let occur before.  Not healthy, not healthy at all.  It was affecting every part of my life and no matter what I did…I just couldn’t move on and be “happy.”

So, I just kept trying to focus on attribute…as it was, at least, a beacon in the fog.  And this was a Golden Gate Bridge fog…

I was able to bring on a couple new writers and an intern to help me with things such as photo resizing, uploading, spreadsheets and letter writing.  We were at least progressing and getting traffic, which is the goal of a website…to be seen.  I was also making connections with some wonderful people and I rarely had someone say no or dis a request to be featured on the site.  I was truly surprised by the willingness of people across all industries/backgrounds to have an article written by a ‘nothing’ website.

Another thing I had to do was “teach” my writers how to write in a style that they weren’t used to or in some cases, how to develop their own writer’s “voice”.  I also had to teach the Editor on board at that time, how not to step on the toes of the writers and respect their individual [creative] voices.  There was so much involved and only so many hours in a day.  For a while I was only getting between four and six hours of sleep at night;  less during crunch time.  And not much ‘me’ time at all.  Welcome to entrepreneurship, Stacey. No one said this would be easy…and it hasn’t been.

One of my goals during this time was to get good, solid content for the site, so I was really researching topics, companies, etc., whom I felt would be fitting subjects.  I was writing a bit less of the content because I had ten writers, give or take, at that point.  The writers were and continue to be, fabulous.  We are so blessed.  We’re also blessed to have two interns stick it out for over a year now…they have really played an important part in the day to day, behind the scenes activity.

We were also starting to get emails from readers that truly touched my  heart and made all of the headache, sleep loss and learning curve, worth it.  The appreciation of the readers is what is most gratifying for me.  Ironically, it was when I was at the point of being seriously fed-up, I got my first email from a college student named Ryan who was just gushing about how grateful he was to have found a place to read about the positive things people do and that are transpiring in the world.

But something wasn’t feeling right.  It hit me that the majority of my staff and registered users were not Gen X.  This was a little bit of a concern, especially considering at that time, our content was mostly about Gen X’ers.  This realization set my wheels in motion and turned on a light bulb of sorts.  Was it possible that our content was actually transcending generations? Was the content being showcased something that people of all ages were thirsting for? Quality and optimism in one place…there was only one other publication I knew of at that time that produced this type of  content, Ode Magzine. And I dreamt of being on the same level as Ode.

There is beautiful irony in this last paragraph, but you will have to wait it out until next time to find out what it is…

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In numero 4:  The “Ode” connection. Going with the tide, embracing change and yes, more web designer drama (this just wouldn’t be a story without it). Oh, and finally getting closure in that ended relationship… all in the age of Obama-mania.

I had no funding, no brand, no product—just a vision and a passion.  I barely had friends in the San Francisco Bay Area (where I lived), let alone a community of connections to tap into.  Where would I find like-minded individuals who would be willing to contribute their talents to get my dream off the ground, for no pay?

Craigslist!

If you are not familiar with Craigslist.com (or .org), I highly suggest checking it out.   It is a great resource for just about anything you need…including human beings.   There is a lot of bartering and such that goes on in the Craigslist community.   I have found everything from jobs to housing to the man in my life (at that time), on this website.  Why not? So I posted the ad below [abridged] in the “creative” section:

“attribute magazine is a concept under development. It will be an Internet based publication, which will be staffed by intelligent, ethical people. We are seeking creative and quality individuals to assist with the start-up and expedition…The basic mission of the publication will be to showcase the “attributes” of our generation to the betterment of society and the world…This is a start up. We have the domain rights, passion, editing, writing skills and freedom…We are seeking others who can help get her up in the following fields: IT, design, marketing/advertising, contributing writers/editors, photographers, etc…We are currently based in Oakland, CA but are open to interested parties located anywhere…that is what is glorious about the Internet! We can all work together and not be in one place…Please send replies, which include a brief statement about yourself, talents/skills, contact information to this posting. No samples unless in the form of a hyperlink. We will provide an email address after reviewing your info.”

I initially began the publication with a focus on featuring solely Generation X related topics/subjects mainly because that is my generation and what I can relate to most. Also because despite our success, we are nearly forgotten in society.  (More on how/why the focus changed, down the road.)

I was surprised at the number of responses I received.  Of course, not all of them panned out but within two months I had met with and gathered a group of about 8 people who seemed seriously interested in taking on this challenge, and who showed up to a meeting to discuss all things attribute.

Out of that small group, only the writers and an editor, ended up sticking around for more than a couple of months.   The writers were fabulous and contributed heartfelt and interesting pieces.  I will forever be grateful to them…

I had hoped I would find someone who would be interested in doing some networking, marketing and business development but that didn’t transpire until I got further down the road.  I worked diligently to pull this all together.

Note: Solopreneurism is a huge learning experience!

Slowly and surely, I had developed a concrete plan for what I wanted this thing to look, smell and sound like.  It was coming together…but my personal life wasn’t. My time in CA was about to come to an abrupt halt. I had a tough decision to make as my unemployment was running out and I still hadn’t found a full time job.   It looked like this: Be homeless in California or move back (kicking and screaming) to Florida and stay with my mom until things turned around.

I CHOSE not to be homeless.

I packed up, put what wouldn’t fit in the back of my small SUV in storage…with boyfriend in tow to help drive…left for Florida in mid May.   By the time I arrived in Florida (my car broke down outside of Los Angeles as what I call a “parting gift” from the state of California), I was actually so grateful for some peace, quiet and less hustle and bustle…I was feeling better about my decision soon afterward.  I actually found a job within a few weeks; a 3/4 time but better than zero time, job. I then settled in and buckled down to get this magazine going…

I needed a website designer and I needed one for cheap. The search began, as did the headache…You see, initially, the boyfriend  (who works in IT) had said ‘yes’ to doing this for me.  But, what he wasn’t telling me was he couldn’t figure out the code needed to build the site on the Joomla CMS platform (PHP & CSS). He only knew html.  So after a month he still had nothing.

Unfortunately, we missed our projected June 1st launch date and I “relieved” him of his responsibility as our web designer. Not too long after this, our relationship ended.  I mention this only because I went through a lot of emotional distress after the break-up and I believe that having the magazine to focus on, was sort of my saving grace.  If I hadn’t have had something this enormous to distract myself with, and God’s grace,  I may not have gotten through it as well.  I thought I was going to marry this man, despite our issues and our long distance relationship, so the loss was quite substantial for me.

So…back to the drawing board I went and I turned, once again, to Craigslist for help.  I found a guy in Alabama who was willing to build the site for what I could afford and who knew Joomla.  Great, right?  Not so fast!  This is actually where the real headache ensued because this person didn’t communicate, did what he wanted despite my giving him distinct instructions (I knew enough about web design to know what I wanted).  He was given a design he said he couldn’t code into a working site so we came up with a new template.  There was a lot of work involved. a lot of time involved. Yet, he would get something nearly completed, just as I wanted it, and then change it for no reason.  I was at wit’s end.

Finally! I got a finished product and the web guy at least helped get the first issue up, which happened in mid-July of 2008—but he left me with no instructions on how to actually use the CMS (content management system)…and left some important things turned off in the back-end admin site (in the CMS).

We had a site. A product. Something to show for all our efforts, all my stressing out and loss of hair from pulling it out…just kidding, I didn’t literally pull it out, but it felt like it at times. The new dilemma: Figuring out how to use the site/admin site and would I get it done in two weeks, in time for the next issue.

All I can say is how thankful I am that I am intelligent enough to figure out most anything put before me. Now I had to learn something completely foreign to me and fast…

Next time: Through trial, error and lot’s of late night’s…I get an education in CMS, searching for more writers and happily getting traffic to the site.

I do this… I share myself with the world in seemingly impersonal ways. But in truth, what I undertake comes from the deepest depth of my soul and something I am passionate enough about, to draw others into my circle and ask them to do the same. So how do I begin to tell you the why and how of my project' s fruition. In order to do this, I have to take you back a bit, to my youth, and down the road to finding inspiration.

I learned how to read and write at age 3 ½ , after this, there was no stopping me. These two simple things fueled a passion that grew into a calling. By the time I was a teen, my curiosity for life and the outside world was insatiable. At age 16, I met the woman who would literally save my life through the gift of words. Betty McKenney was my high school Journalism and AP English teacher; she was also the first teacher to truly challenge me. She opened up a love of writing and words that ran amok and became the driving force in my survival, during a very difficult time in my life. I grew so much under her watchful eye and I loved her so much for allowing me to express myself fully. (Betty was taken from the world, too young, after a battle with breast cancer. Much of what I do today is in honor of my mentor and friend.)

Fast forward, 15 years, and a lifetime of experience. I never stopped writing. I, literally, wrote everywhere (in journals, on napkins, my hand). But, I was always afraid to really go for it. I had to work to survive—being the “starving artist” was never an option. In 2006, I was a casualty of the real estate bubble bursting, in Naples, Florida, where I had lived for ten [10] years. I lost my job and decided to relocate to the San Francisco Bay area. I landed a contract position in corporate America upon arriving and was brimming with joy at my new life.

Living in CA was, a dream come true; but became marred with one bad omen after another from the second week I arrived (car broken into, falling and breaking my wrist and having surgery with no insurance, roommate issues, relationship woes, etc.). But I was determined to stay…

In late 2007, my life changed in a strange way. I was in love with life, but life wasn' t loving me back. In mid October I was let go from my job without much explanation. I was living in a city where I had no family and few friends. I had no savings—for the first six months living in California, I had also been helping support my mom in Florida. I searched for another full time job to no avail. I ended up going on unemployment, which took over a month to kick in. I started doing some freelance writing for local artists and occasional personal assistant jobs, to supplement my income. I was also taking workshops, joining meet-up groups and groups for entrepreneurs just to get out, meet people and hear their stories.

At the same time I felt an internal transformation happening. It was as though years of suppressing myself to fit into the traditional work environment, finally wore me down. I was frustrated, tired of feeling and being disposable, tired of my hard work and loyalty going unappreciated and pondered where I wanted to go at that point. I guess I finally had time and enough separation from the ‘ real world' to actually figure out what was important to me and who I wanted to be.

I awoke one morning and remembered a goal I once had: Back in my journalism days I had story boarded all over my bedroom closet door… and had it written that ‘ someday, I would own my own magazine' . I asked myself, ‘ what better day than today to do it' ? Something stirred inside of me; all those old stifled passions and all the excitement that electrified my core, when I was a feature writer and editor at age 17, came back to life.

On that fated day in December of 2007, barely making it, the artist and creator in me started working on this project that I appropriately named, attribute magazine. I chose attribute because it felt fitting… I wanted to focus on the positive in the world; I felt the world was fatigued by the constant bombardment of negativity from the circus, we now call, the media. This was not the world of journalism I was taught… it was time to get old school.

I never lost the tools and knowledge… I just needed to find my platform and do some research. I chose the Internet for three reasons: 1) Low overhead, 2) No paper product needed (I am a long-time ‘ greenie”) and 3) The world would be our oyster for we could reach everyone with a connection.

This was the beginning of a long road that I faced: Good thing I work well alone and under pressure! No one in my life “got it”… so how would I convince complete strangers to come on board?

Over the next year I will be taking you on a journey: a journey both personal and entrepreneurial in spirit. One that will give an honest and clear depiction of the ups, downs and in-betweens of the start-up stage of attribute magazine and the lemons life has thrown me along the way. I do so in hopes you can learn from, be inspired by, and moved to action, for yourselves.